Sheriff’s Report

As interpreted by the Montanian from records supplied by Lincoln County Sheriff’s Officer.

Monday, May 21

9:15 a.m. A woman on Tailback Rd. called to report that her own cat bit her. We don’t know if the cat or the woman was eating catnip.
11:17 a.m. A Three Corner Trailer Court resident complained that a woman was yelling at her husband, peeled out and threw gravel around. It was a continuing problem he said, someone was always getting stoned (by gravel).

1:26 p.m. A man turned in a birth certificate he found at the fishing pond. Why a birth certificate would be needed at the pond seemed a bit fishy. He considered looked online for an answer but he didn’t want to get caught up in it.

1:50 p.m. A woman on Northwood Ave called 911 to report individuals stealing her belongings every night. She didn’t say how many nights it had been, but maybe she was content to downsize at first. Either way, it was good she called before nightfall while she still had a phone.

10:26 p.m. In fulfillment of a lifelong birthday wish, a woman called to report finding a pony in her field. She also reported that she would keep it safe in a pen.

Friday, May 22

9:58 a.m. A clinic reported someone’s briefcase in their lobby. They wanted an officer to come pick it up.
Airport security did not arrive to destroy the item, but the briefcase owner probably did arrive and was very confused about why the cops took his stuff.

12:25 p.m. A woman on Bobtail came home to find two other women at her residence with buckets. She was so confused her routine concerns pail’d in comparison so she called 911.